Sunday Night Bash

Today was not as bad I guess. I mean Debbie was a bit grumpy but we didn't have to work so super hard. In fact we didn't have to work at all expect I made dinner. I am working on my homemaking skills. I am trying to start out with simple meals like Mac and Cheese, Hamburger Helper and Sloppy Joe's. I thought it was a good meal! Debbie thinks we might have found a house back in Lincoln, NE. That makes my day a heck of a lot better. I am so happy to be back to the land of cool thrift stores and fast food joints. I am a huge fan of The Goodwill. We are all going crazy up in Oregon. I am still mad that Don is not here. I often think what would our lives be like if Donald were still here. I guess I should stop thinking like that because Donald is gone. It is sad. I am  listening to Kate Bush and David Gilmour version of Comfortably Numb. Its pretty good but not as good as the version with Roger Waters and David Gilmour singing together. I am so ready for the Duggars to be on in less then an hour and Sister Wives at ten. Heck I just might as well sit through Sarah Palins show. I have nothing better to do. Sarah Palin is Sarah Palin what can I say she seems nice but not very smart and some of the thing she has spoken on that show I really disagreed with.  Well I could read or read. Hmmm. Boredom has made its come back in my life but not for long because tomorrow its back to working on moving and more drama. Tears, yelling and junk. Thats whats tomorrow will be like for all five of us. I am ready to walk all the way to heaven to pick Don back up but that will never happen soon. Christmas this year is going to suck. I mean I hear Christmas music and I want to puke. I think the holiday has become less about Jesus Christ and family time and more about greed. That is what I have a problem about the holidays. Its about Jesus's birthday the birth of our Lord Jesus Christ. The man who died so we could be free. Its not about toys or gift card or IPODs or lights or big dinners its about the birth of a man who gave his life up so we could be free. That should be our main focus for Christmas. OK I am done.
God Bless
Libby

Another Day...

Today is going to suck I can tell that already. Debbie is in a shitty mood and so are the boys. Danny Debbie's brother seems to be more cheerful then his sister Debbie at times but then again Debbie has just lost her husband. I woke up around nine something and then started to get ready for the day and then watched TV with Danny and we watched Green Mile. I also watched a show on Amish marriage and weddings. It was a pretty neat show. I can't wait to watch the hour long special of The Duggar's Nineteen kids and counting. I think the kids are making a movie or something. I think that is pretty neat. Well I have been sitting in my room listening to Neil Young, Johnny Cash, and The Beatles. I am an odd ball. I am just so ready for the move to be over. I am so ready to scream. I still miss Don like crazy. I just hope today is not so bad. I feel pretty grim today. Its a rainy cold day and the house it cold. Everything in this house is cold. The water, the air and most everyone in this house. Its almost Thanksgiving and Christmas but it doesn't feel like it at all. It feels like hell. I wonder why Don had to pass on around the holidays. I just wonder why he had to pass away at all. I wanted him to be around longer. I am getting use to the fact that he is dead and I don't like that. He becomes part of the past in the day but when I sleep I can still see his smile and hear his voice. I just wonder what he is thinking of me now and if he is proud of me. I wonder if he knows we miss him so very much and I want to talk to him again. I hate that he is not going to come ever again. This has been the longest and coldest month. It has been this way after Don died. We have had a bit of sun but more rain and gloom. I want Don back.

bye

Libby

A Hard Days Work

 Dear readers,

     I had a pretty tough day today. I woke up to late and had to clean the whole kitchen up and while I was doing the dishes I smelt this nasty smelling of rotten eggs. I then found out while I was doing the dishes that the sink was leaking so we had to get out a bunch of towls and mop up the stupid water mess. I hate the plumbing in this house. Its pretty sad. Someday we have rusty water and the kitchen sink leaks. We don't have bath towels half the time because of the stupid sink. I am in a pretty rotten mood today. Everyone in the house had to help with the moving jobs like looking through our stuff to see if we wanted to toss it or keep it or give it away. I kept a few good books and three great shirts. Other then that the whole task was a mess. Everyone was crabby and fighting. We had moments of looking at pictures of Don and Debbie's family that were special but other then that it was not fun. Then we had a break. Danny and I had to fetch dinner and we ended up going to Subway and Dairy Queen to fetch a good meal. When I get back to Nebraska I am going to cook meals and learning to sew. I have two pairs of pants I am going to make a skirt or skirts out off. I am also going to get my GED. I want to take classes on child care and parenting classes to learn to be a mom. I want to take classes for being able to take care of pets. I am looking for a husband so I can start a family. I want a big family. I love big families but you already know that. I think Michelle is lucky to have that much kids. I would feel blessed with one little gift from God. I am going to start going to church and trying to read a book in a week. I am going to try to get my life back in order and I have found trust in the Lord. I am going to make to Jesus a big part of my life.

Love

Libby

Happy times

I thought I would take this time to talk about my brother Thayer. He lives in Nebraska still with Dad and is a good younger brother with a heart of gold. He is also very smart and funny. He just turned Twenty yesterday and is looking for college. Happy birthday baby brother! Are family is growing up too fast! I am twenty three, my brother Thayer is Twenty and my little Sister Grace is seventeen. Right now I wish I had more sibling like The Duggar family. My parents most feel old. I just wanted to take time to talk about my wonderful brother. I still remember playing house with him when we were little. Time goes by!

The Duggars and my life

I am just wondering why a lot of people hates the Duggars so very much. It seems like they are a very nice family with good family values and morals. It also seems like the kids are well behaved and very funny. I guess it has to do with the fact that many people are at battle with they're faith and The Duggar's seem to be very close to Jesus so they attack them The Duggars first which is not new this has been going on since Christianity first started. It can be rude hearing people say things like "a vagina is not clown car" and other things that you would not tell a woman to her face. It would be very rude and thoughtless. I admire The Duggars for promoting the fact that families with morals and values still are around. So what if they adult kids help they're parents out? Its not like they are forcing them to help they just have a strong family. So what if the girls have long hair with perms. I am growing my hair a lot long and might get a perm as well in fact when I had long hair I was going to get a perm. So what if they wear skirts and not pants. Skirts are for girls and pants are for men. I admire The Duggar family. I like The Buddy System once I heard about it.


I am about ready to get after a few people for not helping with the clean up job in this house. I am going to go cleaning the kitchen, feed the cats, take the trash out and stuff. I enjoyed house work I just feel very alone in doing it. I just have to remember the JOY system and try to help Debbie out with moving and making it through another day. I am just happy to be alive. Even if I am eating pricey fast food. I just can't wait until we move and get settled down.
God Bless
Love
Libby

My Crazy Circus Life

Its another day of trying to move back to Nebraska. I have been working on some pretty small and useless tasks like cleaning up my make up bag and stuff in my room. I found my self throwing out old nasty make up, pens and paper. I found a bunch of stuff I thought was lost forever. I also tried to clean up the bathroom and have been trying to keep to the kitchen clean. The thing about cleaning the kitchen is no matter how hard you have tried to clean the kitchen late at night someone will come into the kitchen and leave a huge mess and the mess is left for you to clean. It really ticks me off. Oh well such is life! I am getting super stressed out about the move and the mess in the house. I have turned into a basket case. I am trying to stay cheerful but it is very hard. I wish Don were here I really do. Anyway I made sure to clean my room this morning and crap. I know you don't care what I am wearing but I am wearing a cute brown skirt with a plumb purple shirt. The whole outfit I am wearing is under fifteen dollars. I love Wal-Mart and the Goodwill. Well anyway I finally wrote my angry pen pal a long letter after a long time of not writing her back. That is one thing that will change in my life when we get back to Nebraska not putting everything off until the last minute. I am going to be a whole different person when I get back to Lincoln. I feel great changes for myself when I get home to Nebraska.

I have been busy listening to music and I admit to be listening to a lot Country music and Christian Music. The two types of music I swore of when I was in the seventh grade. I am still listening to a lot of classic rock and rock music and even pop music I just like Christian music because it is so uplifting. Is it just me or is Pink Floyd music a little depressing. No wonder why they call Roger Waters the gloomiest man in music. He is very smart and a great song writer. Anyway I can't wait to watch The Duggar's one hour special on TLC on Sunday. Its only two days away. Its still shocking to see all nineteen kids become adults. I rarely hear about John-David anymore. I think Jessa, Jill and John David are pretty busy working as EMT's and being young adults now a days. I think its cool the family seems to stay together even after the kids turn eighteen. I wish I had a family like that. Its true a family that prays together stays together. My Dad was always trying to take the family to church. I support The Duggar family. I pray someday God will find me a man who will love and respect me for me. I have been used before and its hard to get over the fact the person you choose to spend your life with was not the person you thought he was. I still feel hurt and tricked about the whole issue. I just hope God will find a man who will love, respect me. I want to have as much kids as the Lord will bless me with.

God Bless

Libby

A Crazy But Blessed Life

     Just when I thought my world might fall apart and I would go mad alone in my room I finally left my house to go shopping for clothes and I found girlie things like make up and hair things at The Dollar Tree and then I bought two very cute skirts at the Goodwill that cover my knees and then I bought a cute shirt for a dollar as well at the Goodwill. I needed the skirts so I can start wearing skirts instead of pants. Skirts and dresses are for women and pants were made for men though many people would disagree with me and think I am a crazy Christian woman. Men already have a lot of troubles thinking bad thoughts of women they don't need help from us by what a woman wears. I were skirts for my Lord, myself and thats that. I have spent time praying about that issue. I am glad I acted on it. I have to clean some dishes and other such chores. I need to get a load of clothes washed as well. My life is pretty crazy right now. I am glad I can find trust in the Lord and loved ones around me. I am learning to be a Godly Woman.


      I am happy to have my music. I have been listening to a lot of Christian Music but I still enjoy bands like Pink Floyd and other hippie rock bands. Pink Floyd is one of those bands you can ever hate even if you try. The band holds a special place in my heart. I look up to all of the member in the band though I may not agree with what the do and believe in I will always have a huge respect the members of Pink Floyd. I have been listening to a lot of Syd Barretts side of Pink Floyd and the early Pink Floyd music lately. I love Roger Waters Wall and Final Cut but at the same time it can be to depressing at times and life is already depressing. Though Roger Waters is a very respect man and a great bleeding heart artist though I might not agree with his view on life and other such stuff as a woman and a Christian. Roger Waters is and always be my biggest hero. Syd, Nick, David and Richard have been great role models. I would say Pink Floyd has been like a set of Dads but I still think Roger Waters is very handsome and dreamy so that would be wrong calling him a father figure. Roger is very handsome. Oh well!
God Bless
Libby

Where do I start Now?

Same stuff just another day. I went to the doctor and then too school around 11:00 AM when class starts at 9:00 and the fact that I missed class on Tuesday didn't look good at all. Thank The Lord my teacher was understanding about what happened this month. I wrote her on essay on my week and why I was not at class that week because she was to busy with class to listen to my story. I let out all of my pain and stress out on paper which took the weight off my shoulders for a second. Then I went to the Goodwill and looked at the clothes for a bit but since I was broke I could not spend money on the clothe items at the store. Don't go to the Goodwill with no money because trust me that really stinks. I am now at home and am trying to deal with life's stress the best I can. The one thing I hate about kitchen work is cleaning the kitchen and everyone ones mess then to go back in the kitchen and they're is an even bigger mess that people have left so you clean the mess up for them. If you want to make pancakes that is great and dandy just clean up your mess up after words. I feel so depressed and that pretty much I don't have control of my life. I know God is in control of my life but it is still hard to clean up after everyone else and its still sad that Don will not be able to have Thanksgiving with us and be here for Christmas ever. It makes me sick thinking he will never be with us anymore. He was loved by us all and he is gone. I loved him so much and he as like a father to me. I will always miss Don. Debbie is sleeping and the boys are busy being boys and Danny is trying to help Debbie out. I feel so alone though I am not alone. We never are alone. I just want to run out of this house and have a clear state of mind. I wish I could have more happy news to give you but nothing is happy about losing a loved one.
God Bless
Libby

Ramblings of a Twenty Three Year Old

I admit I am dealing with putting my life together. I know God is watching over me and know what a great young woman I am. I just wish I had more faith in myself and sometimes I feel very alone. I have Debbie but I had Don and now he is gone. I hope Don is in heaven and with his loved ones but I still miss him so much it hurts. I feel like I have lost my mother forever. I know she was very nasty to me growing up and never loved me or anyone but I will always love her. I want to cry when I think of her. Life is very hard and its getting harder and harder everyday. I can only take life day from day or I will go mad if I don't. I am not only here for me right now but I am here for Debbie, my Dad, my future husband and children and the Lord. The Lord has big plans for us all including Debbie and me. I just don't know what the purpose it yet. That kind of scares me at times. I am trying to pray super hard. 


I have school tomorrow and I have to go to the doctor tomorrow. I still have to pick out my outfit for tomorrow and then try to go to sleep. I am going to listen to some music as I try to fall asleep. I maybe even have the album  picked out to fall asleep too. Maybe a Pink Floyd CD or a country CD. I have not made up my mind up yet. I have a CD I bought but never had a listen too. So Maybe I will listen to that album. I am thinking tomorrow will be like today full of drama but the day will also have a few blessings in the end. That is all that matters in the end.
God Bless
Libby

A day full of hopes and blessings

I have had a pretty long day dealing with life and trying to help Debbie around the house. Debbie, Debbie's brother and I all went to Wal-Mart to by food for the house and other crap like that. I bought myself stuff I needed. I found a bunch of cute shirts I want to buy very soon at Wal-Mart when I get the money to go by them. Wal-Mart has very cute clothes that are cheap and of course cute. I have a very busy day tomorrow  doctors trip, school and getting ready to move back to Nebraska. I wish people could be nicer and more understanding. I have almost broke into tears a few times today. I was hurt by a few friends and family members today. I am sick of dealing with my mother. I have tried to understand why she behaves the way she does and  I have tried to make her love me but that is a waste of my time. She will not change and she is never going to admit what she did wrong. It hurts me so much I won't have her in my life. I have Debbie in my life. Debbie has been like a mother and in away she is my mother. I miss Don so much. He was such a strong and such a caring man. I often wonder what he is doing up in heaven. 


In other news I feel happy about the blessings the Lord has given to my family lately esp Debbie. I am praying hard for Debbie since she just lost her rock in her life. Don was such a great husband and friend. Its going to be hard to try to live life without Don. He will always be missed. I am just sitting around listening to music. I am pretty much into any type of music. To me music is music. I am into old classic pop music from the 60's, Christian music, 80's music and classic rock. I am not big into hip hop or rap. I don't hate the music but I am not going to sit around listening to it all day expect for Eminem who has a few good songs. 
Love
Libby

My Life So Far

I am pretty stressed out about life right now. Part of me wants to go at the problems and help out the best I can but in away I just want to run away from my troubles. I am taking a break from life and all of its drama. I have tried to take care of Debbie around the house. It is a big pain dealing with the stress of moving and the loss of Don. It feels like he is still here but he never will come home. I want for all of this to be over with and life to be a little bit normal again. I am really worried about Debbie a lot since she just lost her husband. I am sick of crap already.


Last night I watched The Duggars 19 and Kids Counting and it was super cute. It is so shocking and bittersweet to see the Duggars grown up and become young adults. Michelle and Jim Bob have five adult kids already. Jinger is next adult kid. I spent last night watching boring TV shows and reading a good book to go to sleep. I am into books like Twilight or Anne Rule type books. Its weird but its the books I like to read. I want to understand why criminals think the way they do. It may be creepy to other people but it is a form of healing from some of the things I went through as a kid. I also tried to fall asleep listening to my music. I was listening to Lady Gaga and Kellie Pickler.
Love
Libby

Life in contol

I have been pretty busy keep this house clean and I am started getting things all packed up. I have been taking a lot of baby steps on a lot of things today. I am in the middle of cleaning clothes and towels. Its not fun but it needs to get done. I want to cook a home cooked meal for the family instead of us going to Micky D's for every meal. I guess if that is what everyone wants to eat right now is fast food. I am just waiting for The Duggar's to be on TV and I might keep trying to get things packed up for the day that we moved. Life is very stressful and it doesn't help that we have to move so soon after Don passed away. I am trying to stay positive about the move and am happy to be back close to my family and old friends. I have a list of goals I want to follow for when we get back to Nebraska
1. To get my GED finished and out of the way with
2. To find a Church to worship and belong to a church family
3. to find at least one really good friend
4. to find a job were I can help others like help out a soup kitchen
5. To help Debbie out with her family and life
I am shocked how rude people can be but I am also shocked how understanding others can be. I think if more people were more understanding and loving the world would be much better place to live. I called my father today and we talked about life and such. I am glad I have a father who only wants the best for me. I am pretty much out of things to say for now expect I need to check on my clothes.
Love
Libby

todays boredom

I am about ready to go off-line and try to help out Debbie the best I can. I am not going to be big help sitting around waiting for something to happen. I have stuff to do to get ready for the move and just help around the house. As a woman I like learning to be the homemaker. I love doing cleaning up the house and making family meals. I am thinking of being a stay at home mom or house wife. I am still thinking of working with animals or being a nurse but I think my calling is to be a wife and mother. It may sound odd now a days to want to let your husband be the bread winner but I like the idea of taking care of my children and raising them at home. Also I like house hold chores. I want to teach my kids to be respectful, caring and honest human beings. I want to teach my kids its a very good thing to have morals and to stick up for others and also stick up for what is right. I am glad to know you never stop growing and you never stop loving. Just follow Jesus and you life will be great not perfect mind you.

I have been listening to old classic rock groups like Pink Floyd and such. I love Pink Floyd and it has to be one of my favorite bands of all time. Roger Waters is very cool I may not support his ideas on a lot of things but I have a lot of respect for the man. I have been in love with Roger Waters and Pink Floyd since I was a teenager about fifteen I think. I am twenty three right now so that seems like years ago. I am getting old. I am going to rock and roll.
Libby

A Crazy Tuesday

I am starting up a blog about my life now a days at twenty three years old. Things have been pretty crazy since Don my step Dad, my care giver and most off all my best friend. It has been pretty hard on my family esp my step Mom Debbie. We live in Oregon but will have to move back to crappy Nebraska. I am starting to get packed up and go through stuff I don't need and do need. I think tomorrow we will be packing and going through the things we want to bring back to Nebraska. It has been hard on us all but somehow we will get through this big test of faith. Debbie has been the rock and is a lot stronger then she thinks. It will be hard going back to Nebraska and I have plans when we do go back to Nebraska to stay down and get my GED down and over with in the year 2011 which I hope and pray will lead me to find a career to help others out. I want to be a stay at home mother or to able to work with animals. I think God has a reason for why Don passed away not only for Don but Debbie, me, his family and his friends. I think the Lord is always here. Even when you feel he has left you he will be with you helping you out until the day the Lord calls you to join him in heaven. I know Don is in heaven. I admit I still miss Don.

Ok in other news I have been having troubles sleeping so I found a great way to sleep. Music. I have been listening to classical music, rock music, pop music, country music, gospel rock and other such music. I have listened to Wish You Were Here by Pink Floyd a bunch of time. Music is good for the soul. I am starting to get hungry and I have things that need to get done around the house. No one got anywhere by sitting on they're behind all day. I just needed a break from life and rude young men. I got in a fight with Debbie's little nephew yesterday. Long story. I am pretty happy The Duggars are on tonight. I wait all week to see they're show. I love how they live they're life for the Lord and believe in family, Jesus and modesty. I am trying to dress a little more modest myself. You get more respect dressing modest then not modest. I am thinking of trading in pants for skirts. I am not saying everyone to dress like me and act like me.  Anyways I think I am done talking. 

Love

Libby